Two years ago, I appeared on a television cooking competition show. I usually a second-guess myself and rehash the mistakes I made no matter if they are indeed errors or not. This time (perhaps even the first time) I was on my A game. I did everything right therefore I wanted to take the time to revisit Food Rush’s Cookie Competition.
Spoiler alert – I lost. The winner’s cookies were under baked and the bacon in the runner-up’s cookies were underdone. Mine were done perfectly. In fact, the judges had nothing negative to say and were full of compliments.
They apparently were full of something.
Well anyway I was rightly bummed about not winning. While wallowing in a sea of self pity I discounted the positives. I received a free trip to San Francisco, time to tour the city, meeting great people who worked behind the camera (more on that later), and of course, the opportunity to be on television.
|How I wish it was red. My power color.|
What can I say I hold grudges and beat myself up for 2 years. I was embarrassed that I lost. In my mind my defeat reaffirmed all the bullying and teasing I had to endure my entire life. It’s like the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode “Chain of Command – Part 2”. If someone tells you that you are a failure long enough, you start to feel like it’s true.
To sum up: I did my best, I failed, and I felt bad for two years.
You can say I hold onto my bitterness is an understatement. It took awhile, but I finally realized something: my hurt feelings are not hurting anyone and it’s not helping me move forward in my professional life.
Everyone wins and loses – even if the final judgment was complete bullshit.
Although it’s going slow and steady, people are finding me and I’m gathering a following. I did well at Sugar Rush and at last December’s Punk Rock Flea Market.
Before I left San Francisco, I asked the television crew team to sign my apron. I loved how they were all passionate about their jobs to make the whole show work. Although they were not the host or in a spotlight as a contestant they made everything run like a well oiled machine. Also, I think they were amused with my childlike amazement.
|Standing next to the host was intentional.|
It’s long overdue, but I framed the apron to remind me that I did try my best. No did not win, but guess what?
Wait for it…
|On second thought. I like the yellow. My producer had everyone sign it in a red marker.|